5thstate

Sound Reasoning from the RNC

Posted in Uncategorized by 5thstate on October 14, 2009

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With one eye focused on the 2010 mid term elections, the GOP has just launched it’s new official website www.gop.com not to simply re-galvanize the Republican base but to attract a new hip (and possibly hop) political generation with an animated GIF of Michael Steele asking future conservative peeps “What-up?”

“What up?” indeed, Mr Steele!

Surely nothing reflects the 21st Century dynamism and inclusiveness of today’s GOP than a website banner logo that substitutes the ‘O’ in ‘GOP’ with portraits of 19th Century political luminaries such as the first African-American Representative of any party, Joseph Rainey of South Carolina who was indeed a Republican (served 1870-1879, died 1887) and in whose footsteps today’s Republican African-American Representatives trod, such as Oscar Stanton De Priest of Illinois (served 1929-35, died 1951) Gary Franks of Connecticut (served 1991-1997) and J.C. Watts of Oklahoma (1993-2003).

Of course, how can Republicans possibly  be accused of racism when over the past 74 years they’ve had three whole black men serve in the House, as compared to the 91 Democratic African-American Representatives during the same period of which only a paltry 41 still hold office?

Do the Democrats have an incompetent African-American as their Party chairman? Of course not, so that proves it’s the Democrats who are the real racists (just like Rush Limbaugh always says) !

Speaking of Michael Steele, let’s hear from the man himself via this awesome new website:

One of the joys I get out of being Chairman of the RNC is meeting real Republicans. As much as I travel, I never tire of hearing your ideas for our Country and how living a life of personal responsibility, thrift and charity has helped your families and your businesses. I also make it a habit to learn what made people choose our Party.”

Of course Michael would be even more joyful if there were a few more real Republicans he could meet and get ideas-from because he’s pretty much used up all his own ideas at this point—unnecessarily capitalizing ‘Country’ was just about his last idea.

But it’s great to hear how real Republicans have had to rely on thrift and charity to support their families and their businesses, which is why Michael has made a habit of asking people why they chose the GOP because really, why the hell would a Republican  racist tolerate having a black man as their party Chairman and why would anyone belong to a Party whose policies have resulted in wasting a trillion dollars, produced record foreclosures, massive unemployment, added 9 million people to the Food Stamp program and so on?

So that’s why “Republican Faces Need Yours” (—and maybe some remedial English?). And if you aren’t sure why the hell you are a Republican, just go to the ” Sound Reasoning ” section of the site and as soon as they can come up with some sound reasoning, you’ll be the first to know!

Whilst you are waiting for sound reasoning, check out the “Discuss” tab where you will find several dedicated blogs:

The Action Blog will ask you to go beyond reading and start doing” —where you can expect every post and comment to be “Why are you hanging out on this blog instead of getting out there and doing something?”

What up? By Michael Steele is where you can find out what the Chairman thinks“—even though the blog title is asking you “what up?”, just keep your keyboard-piehole shut and read what Michael thinks, okay?. If he wants your ideas you’ll just have to wait until he meets you personally on one of his travels, okay?

Co-Blog is the blog of Jon Larimer, the Co-Chairman of the Republican National Committee“—Jon’s responsibilities are to sit in his basement and check his blog every five minutes to see if anyone has left any comments and then to not respond because Michael Steele is da man, baby, and Larimer just needs to keep his pie-hole shut if he wants to keep his posse job.

Stomping Grounds features blog posts from the RNC Research department” and here’s your host, jberkowitz to explain how the RNC’s Research Department (now with a big ‘D’!) is going to stomp the Democrats with its mighty research boots!

Welcome to the “Stomping Grounds” blog, the online home for the RNC’s Research Department. For the past week, thanks to our friends in New Media, we’ve been playing around with this awesome new platform, and we hope you’ll take some time to browse through our postings from the past week to get a sense of what is to come.

Yes, it’s hard to believe this awesome new platform only took a week of just playing around instead of doing all that testing that elitist Democrats do before they launch their websites! And we’ll just keep hoping that the site stops crashing (in the same way we hoped that Iraqis would greet us as liberators and that Bush’s tax cuts would make us all rich) long enough for you to browse through our postings and get a sense of what’s to come—like the ‘Sound Reasoning’ section!

Research Departments in political operations have generally been behind the scenes operations, seldom seen or heard but often felt.”

In the past they’ve always disguised the origins of our push-polls and made shit up in secret so we wouldn’t get caught lying or doing something illegal.

But in this day and age, the reality is that much of what we do has no reason to hide. After all, information was meant to be free.”

Yes, the bogus research that dare not speak its name need hide in shame no longer! After all information was meant to be free, but if the GOP can get back in power we’ll soon put a stop to that!

As the RNC unveils this new platform for politics in the Age of Open, the Research Department is joining the fray.”

Or to put it another way, despite the inability to properly research the term “Open Source” or to comprehend the difference between a software platform and a political platform the RNC Research Department is nonetheless super-keen to take off its veil and thrash about on the intertubes with their characteristic confidence born of ignorance.

In addition to our regular Research Briefing releases that go out to the press and activists (you can find them online here), we will be posting regularly to “Stomping Grounds” on the news above and below the fold, holding Democrats accountable for their misrepresentations and bad policies and highlighting the better Republican alternative solutions.”

Meaning ‘solutions’ like those Power-Point printouts Eric Cantor claimed were comprehensive policy papers a few months ago, as well as the ever popular “No!” omnibus.

…also take a look at our Research Briefing from this morning asking whether the Democrats on the Senate Finance Committee will really vote to increase American families’ health care premiums by $4,000.” —which the RNC ‘Research Department’ cut and paste from an e-mailed AHIP analysis without actually researching its claims which have already been debunked by the accounting firm that conducted the research in the first place.

But wait! There are even more blogs to look at!

Say It Loud is the blog for our Coalitions department“—where the TOS demands that you type everything in CAPS, otherwise why bother?

Communications features blogs from the RNC Communications division“—-where the Communications division communicates communications by communicating their communiqués, but with blogosity!

Political is where our colleagues in the field report from“—even though, if they are “in the field” it would be where they report to.

And finally…

Feeding the Machine is the more tech minded blog from New Media“—you know, the ‘tech-minded’ guys who put this crashy site together and left the sites admin controls publicly accessible  when they launched it. You know, the website that Chairman Steele said “wasn’t really a website” a few hours after the Alabama Republican Party announced the RNC’s new website as…a new website.

Well that’s how things were yesterday. Today. the site is actually accessible. jberkowitz hasn’t revealed what adjustments  were made to turn Michael Steele’s “not-really-a-website” into ‘okay-now-it really-is-a-website-and-not-a-software-crash-generator’ but one obvious change has been the removal of  the Michael Steele animation from the home page.

If that’s all it took to get the RNC website functioning, maybe the RNC should take a look at what else it can remove Michael Steele from—then maybe they’ll be able to find some sound reasoning to post on their website.

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2 Responses

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  1. Cats r Flyfishn said, on December 31, 2009 at 10:22 PM

    Why the name 5thstate?


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